Totally Inappropriate
by BR125
Summary: In Under Fire, Kate assumed Castle was looking at something inappropriate on her computer. Well, I wanted to have a little fun with that idea, so here is what I came up with: She is going to kill him, well, kiss him goodbye first, because she will miss him after she kills him, but killing him was definitely the next item on her to do list. *Complete


**_AN In Under Fire, Kate assumed Castle was looking at something inappropriate on her computer. Well, I wanted to have a little fun with that idea, so here is what I came up with. I am marking this T for suggestive situations and language. Once again, my sincere thanks to Kjf3333 / Flashpoint and Tshlw for their insights, super ninja beta skills and encouragement. ___****I do not own Castle, the characters etc., add in all the other usual disclaimers here. **

She is going to kill him, well, kiss him goodbye first, because she will miss him after she kills him, but killing him was definitely the next item on her to do list.

Narrowing her eyes, brow furrowed, lips pulled into a tight grimace, a frustrated growl escapes from her throat. The loft is suspiciously quiet, the faint whirl from the refrigerator the only sound breaking the silence. Fine, she'll be fair, give him a chance to show himself, because seriously, if she has to hunt him down, it will be so, so much worse.

"Castle! I know you are here! Man up and come out and face me!"

Nothing, not a sound, he's actually hiding and she's once again hit with the stark realization that she's marrying a child. No, not marrying, because that's right, she is going to kill him, and there are definitely laws prohibiting her from marrying a dead man.

_Case closed, a simple John killed John over Jane. Not exactly the Beckett flavored case she's used to, as the boys liked to call them, but the easy ones are nice once in a while. She eased into the chair as Ryan and Espo began the task of disassembling the murder board. And that's when it happened, just a bump of the mouse and an easy day turned into a nightmare. She could feel the heat from the blush she was sure was all over her face, the pure embarrassment at the sight that popped up on her screen. Their reactions where almost immediate, Ryan scampered away muttering something about Jenny, the baby, getting home and what suspiciously sounded like brain bleach as he made a hasty retreat. Espo simply shook his head, and gave her a disapproving look._

_"Seriously Beckett, I did not need to see that."_

_Turning on his heels, he walked away, and like Ryan, mumbling, something about getting a beer and possibly therapy._

_Her eyes return to the screen, transfixed by the sight. ____Thebootybotique. com! _ He's unbelievable! Oh yes, she is absolutely sure there is going to be some "booty" involved in his near future, just not the kind he clearly has in mind. More like the kind where her Jimmy Choo connects with his…ugh! And seriously, Officer McNaughty, who thinks up these names? The outfit, and that's using the term loosely, because she highly doubts that you could call a few strips of spandex, thong, a fuzzy set of hand cuffs and a police hat an outfit. Inwardly groaning, she's not sure how she will ever be able to look the boys in the eyes, ever again.

_The familiar hiss of the foamer on the espresso maker breaks her stare from the screen. She slowly draws her eyes up to meet his, flicks them quickly down to her computer and then back up, even through the blinds she catches the clear look of panic that flashes in his eyes. She can hear the wheels turning in his mind all the way across the bullpen. She assumes trying to remember if he had closed that browser tab or not. She narrows her eyes at him and arches an eyebrow, silently saying, you didn't. The ding of the elevator breaks their staring contest, and when she looks back to the break room, he's gone. A slight smirk plays on her lips as she thinks, oh, yes, when she gets home, he's a dead man._

Justifiable homicide, no judge or jury in the world would convict her, especially if they had already met him, a small chuckle escaping her at that thought. Umm..or better yet, just hide the body, save the taxpayers the cost of a trial, it wouldn't take too much prodding to get Lanie to be a coconspirator.

Like a predator stalking their prey, her eyes slowly scan the loft. A sudden loud pop cracks the silence, and the loft is completely enveloped in darkness. Her right hand automatically dives into her pocket to get a flashlight, clicks it on and begins making her way towards the fuse box in the laundry room. He's up to something, such a child. Crossing the threshold, she sees it, the flashing and blinking red lights of her laser tag gear. Ah, that's right; their new agreement that they settle all minor squabbles with laser tag. Honestly, if he wasn't driving her absolutely crazy with that talented mouth of his that night, she would have never agreed. She probably would have agreed to anything as long as he just kept...

Shaking her head to remove the thoughts that have her thinking about settling this in a much different way, she begins to put on the equipment. What the hell, if she can't actually shoot him for real, this might be just as good, although, she doubts it. Reaching out to grab the gun, a small piece of paper flutters to the floor, bending to pick it up, she holds the flashlight on it;

As decreed on December 1st 2013, any and all minor disagreements, arguments, frustrations and squabbles shall be here forth settled on the battle field -a contest of skill, coordination and cunning, a battle to the best of three; the winner to decide the fate of the loser. So don your battle gear, if you dare, and meet me on the field of honor. And to the victory goes the spoils.

Remember as Sun Tzu said:

"Move swift as the wind and closely formed as the wood. Attack like the fire, and be still as the mountains."

Crumpling the note and dropping it to the floor, she's changed her mind, still going to kill him, but it's going to be slow and painful.

She raised her voice loud enough to ensure that wherever he was hiding, he would able to hear her. The words echoed off the walls in the small space she occupied.

"Those are pretty big words for someone who pulled a Houdini earlier Castle. A little less talk a little more action. Remember Sun Tzu also said;"

"The King is only fond of words, and cannot translate them into deeds."

A blue beam of light hits the wall just over her left shoulder, diving to the right into the kitchen; she presses her back to the island.

"That was just a warning shot Beckett. Next one I show no mercy. "

"Then you wasted an opportunity Castle, because that was the last shot you will get anywhere near me again. And after today, you can consider yourself in the same category of things that will never get anywhere "near" me again."

"Ha! Idle threats Beckett! You know you are powerless to resist me and frankly I don't know how you keep your hands off me all day."

"Whatever you say...Kitten."

He knows she's in the kitchen, it was the logical move, and if Beckett's anything, she's logical. Time to move, crouching, leaning his back against the post in the living room, he has a plan, and as Sun Tzu also said: All's fair in love and war. With a smug smile, he slowly makes his way towards the kitchen, pausing to grab the pencil he left earlier on the table.

"Just so you know Castle, when I win, I'm thinking breakfast in bed for a month and a Nebula-9 marathon."

"Oh, my dear detective, when I win, and of this there is no doubt, you, will be my breakfast. And speaking of Nebula-9, that Lt. Chloe uniform of yours, I think we can work that in as well."

"You are a dead man Richard Castle! That..that Officer McNaughty outfit was.."

"Awesome!"

"No."

"Umm..Sexy?"

"No."

"Hot?"

"Skimpy and cheap!"

"Cheap! I will have you know I was going to pay for the badge and gun upgrade, it's a water gun but I was thinking we could dilute some chocolate sauce."

"Ugh!" He's such an arrogant ass, she's going to enjoy wiping that smug smile she's so sure he's sporting right now, off his face. She needs to move, been in the same place for too long. Her inability to ignore his mocking has assured her he knows exactly where she is. Sliding off her heels, she begins shimming to her left, slowly, silently, all of her senses in full alert mode. Unable to resist one last question, seeing as her position is already compromised.

"By the way, what were you thinking using the computer at the station? You know the boys saw that!"

Ah, no wonder she was shooting him death glares earlier. It's not like she hasn't..."dressed up" in outfits like that for him before, it's the boys knowing, well no matter, he can deal with that little technicality later and an opportunity to tease further is too good to pass up.

"Really, any chance they want in? If we buy in bulk we get a discount."

"Game on Castle!" The loft is suddenly lit up with red beams, cover fire he theorizes, as she seeks a better position.

From that point on its chaos, flashes of red and blue bouncing and hitting everywhere. The sounds of heavy breathing and shuffling feet echo off the walls as they both struggle for dominance.

Silence finally settles and he's feeling confident about his current nest below the staircase. Far enough back that he is out of her direct line of sight, when suddenly he catches a streak of red pass by him. Their bedroom, rookie mistake, too many egresses, he will use her mistake to his advantage. Dropping down onto his stomach he proceeds to army crawl.

She has no idea where he is, and after his disappearing act from the precinct earlier, he's proving to be quite the expert at vanishing into thin air, weasel. She needs a minute to think, form a strategy, failure is not an option.

He's got her, his version of shock and awe has never failed him before, well, that was against Alexis as a child, not a fully trained bad ass police detective, but too late to turn back now. Crawling as far as he dares to the office threshold, he cranes his neck around the corner- perfect, time to put his plan into action. Grabbing the pencil he snagged earlier, his arm draws back as he places a well tossed lob into his office, just outside the bedroom door.

She's made a mistake; she knows this was not the best spot to hide. Too many egresses can't cover both efficiently. A noise just outside the door catches her attention. Instantly dropping to a crouching position, back to the wall she slowly makes her way to the threshold.

Mentally high five'ing himself, he struggles not to let the "ha" that is dying to escape him come out. She's coming, first phase, shock, is complete, now all he has to do is wait.

She eases her way towards the door, breath held, weapon at the ready, only a foot more before she claims the first step to her imminent victory.

The reflection of the red lights off the smooth surface of the door lets him know she's close. He slowly rises to a crouching position, weapon drawn, finger twitching on the trigger, his whole body like a string pulled too tight, ready to snap at a moment's notice. The air feels electrically charged, a small bead of perspiration transverses from his brow to his cheek. Only a second more...

As she reaches the doorway, something on the floor catches her eye, inching into the office to get a better look; the upper half of her body just barely passes the threshold...

"Son of a bitch!"

The red lights on her vest start swirling and blinking in a display she somehow feels is mocking her personally. She's momentarily stunned, but recovers in time to catch his retreating form, and without hesitation she raises her weapon and fires one into his back.

"Nice one detective..they teach you that at the police academy? Shoot a fleeing a man in the back. Shameless! House rules, once you are hit, no shots fired until new covered positions are achieved. You know that, no point for you, cheater!"

"Really Castle, unless that pencil fell from the sky, I think it's in your best interest to call the score one to one. The use of diversionary tactics is not in the rules either. Shock and awe, really, I can't believe I fell for that. "

"What..wait..how do you know about shock and awe?"

"Witchy powers Castle, remember, I know everything."

"Alexis! Her treasonous ways will be dealt with swiftly and without mercy."

"Oh, and as payback for that pencil stunt, we are definitely watching the Nebula-9 bonus features."

Darting across the bedroom and entering the bathroom, she hears a groan, followed by the sound of scurrying feet that lets her know he's back on the move. She closes her eyes and concentrates on the sound, her mind tracing his steps through the loft. After what seems as though he must have gone around the loft twice in a vain effort to throw her off his trail, she suspects, it is going to be all over soon. She knows exactly where he is heading, the bedroom. She knows him so well, so confident that she would never suspect he would return to the "scene of the crime". A smile tugs at her lips, she's so got him.

She cheated, well he cheated too, but he never thought he would get caught. How the heck did she see that pencil anyway? The loft is pitch black, is she part owl? A thought for another time, right now he needs to ready himself for her retaliation. Climbing up onto the bed, lying flat on his stomach, he grabs two pillows and piles them directly in front of him, a barrier, he may not be able to watch both doorways but with pillow walls up maybe it will block her shot, giving him time to get her first.

She risks a look around the corner, and had to stifle the laugh that threatens to give her position away. He looks adorable, pillow barrier, hair sticking up in every direction, his eyes darting back and forth between the two doorways, and she's glad that he suggested this way to settle their minor issues. As she silently watches him she finds she is no longer angry at him, but she still wants to win. Taking a deep breath, she breaks into a run.

He sees her too late, she's at a full run and heading right for him, he rolls over on his back just in time to see her looming above him, an almost sinister smile grazing her lips, gun pointed down, she pulls the trigger.

Laughing, as she drops to her knees and straddles his hips, she leans forward to place a gentle kiss to his lips. Slowly pulling back, she rests her weight on his upper thighs, and can't miss the full pout, such a baby.

"Don't be a sore loser Castle, that ummm..Officer McNaughty outfit..I ordered it."

"Why Detective Beckett, that sounds like even though I lost, I won."

Jumping off the bed, putting a little extra sway in her hips as she heads to the bathroom, she pauses for just a moment, looks over her shoulder and throws him a wink.

"In your size."

**_Additional AN: If you would like to follow me on twitter you can do so at Pak_321 I also have an additional twitter account where I use the quotes to recreate scenes from the show, twitter sized. You can follow that at Castleficlets._**


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